Saturday was awful. The worse experience and her symptoms were so different than her normal "bad" days. Even her eyes were different. They were cloudy and glossy and some of her white parts were redder than usual. It almost seemed like she couldn't really see me. She couldn't move, just laid still on the floor for hours. When we managed to get her to move she was trembling, could barely walk and then would fall over. We had never seen her like that. She refused to eat anything, not even a treat or any ice. I told my husband I thought this was her body giving up. Our normal vet is closed until Tuesday so we had to make a decision to bring her to the emergency vet. She has been through so much including so many side effects from her meds. We were hoping she would all of a sudden jump up and start walking but if anything it only sounded like her breathing was getting worse, like real fast and shallow. This was the hardest decision ever.
It breaks my heart to even write this now, but we brought her in because we felt it was the right thing to do. We got to go into a private room with her. We stayed with her giving her kisses, hugs and petting her the whole time. The vet was so sweet telling her how as soon as she woke up she would be pain free and could run and play again with all the other cats & dogs. I told my Gracie she would also be able to chase squirrels again, one of her favorite things to do before she got sick. The vet asked if we were ready and even though I really was not ready at all, I believe that she was. She went quick and peaceful. It was the hardest thing ever in my life and the feeling of loss is just beyond words. We have another dog at home, our little corgi beagle mix, Ashley. We are trying to stay focused on giving her lots of attention and love in the absence of her sister. I don't know if she realizes yet but she does go over to the window a lot to look outside like she is searching for something, or someone.
I miss my Gracie-Face so much already. I'm exhausted from crying and so is my husband. I pray that she is in a better place, pain free and wagging her little nub with excitement and happiness. I pray she felt loved from us always and will continue to feel our love forever.
